journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

The lack of mental health care available…

It’s an obvious fact that mental health treatment is underfunded in the UK, but the true extent of this under funding has only become more apparent to me in the last couple of weeks.

My mental health has turned downhill gradually over the year and more so in the last few months that I’ve needed to go and seek help for it again. The hardest thing in the world is to go to a doctor and tell them you’re there because your mental health is poor. It’s one of the hardest things to do, especially if you have anxiety and hate the thought of going there. The even harder thing is going and knowing that you possibly may not even get the help you need because of stigma, misunderstanding, the area you’re in and the lack of funding.

Mental health care is a like a lottery. If you live in the right area, you may have access to the help you need. Other areas have less funding and less mental health services available. It makes me feel really sad.

It’s so frustrating. It’s agonising when you’re sat through a suicide crisis at 2:30am in the morning and theres no help at all. The helplines shut at midnight, your GP is closed and you’re too afraid to call out of hours. You feel like your mental health problem is not serious enough for A&E and think the staff there will assume you’re wasting their time. Anyone whose been in this position will know how frightening this situation is…

I’m really hoping one day this will change. I want to make that change. I want to advocate. I want to educate. I want to raise awareness. I want to offer support. I don’t want people to feel like they’re ever alone. I want people to know that someone, somewhere, loves them and cares about their safety.

For help and support visit my mental health support page or email me.

When “I” is replaced by “We” even Illness becomes Wellness.

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journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

breakdowns…

Some days, I have such highs. Some moments, I feel like you could never bring me down. I laugh. The smile actually reaches my eyes. I feel free. But most of the time, I just feel like I’m drowning. I can reach the top, and continue to sore up, but once I’m dragged down, I’m weighted down and I can no longer fight. All the air is sucked out of me, I crawl myself into a ball on the bed and fight the silent depression and raging anxieties that continue to take over my mind. Mental illness seems to rear its ugly head at night time – when you’re on your own, ready to sleep, absolutely exhausted and unwilling to fight. It picks you at your weakest moments and tears you down even further. It chokes you up, brings tears to your eyes, leaves you a rocking, screaming mess on the floor until you eventually submerge to all the pain and fall into a restless sleep…

A lot of the time I filter my blog posts so that my real struggles are hidden from view…but the true and raw reality is

Mental illness fucking sucks. Anxiety plagues you with thoughts that are completely irrational but they consume you anyway. Depression leaves your mind whirling with lies and disturbing thoughts until you hate your entire being.

I am so damn tired. So utterly exhausted. I probably need to sleep…

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