Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of opinions on suicide. As a person whose been suffering with suicidal thoughts since the age of 11, I’ve had a good first hand experience of suicide. It often bothers me when people refer to suicide as a sin. I’m a religious person, but I believe God loves you no matter what you do. We are human; we feel, we make mistakes, we suffer. God doesn’t love us any less because of that.
Suicide is NOT a sin. It isn’t. It makes me so sad that so many people regard suicide as a sin so bad that it cannot be forgiven. A person who thinks, attempts or dies by suicide are hurting so badly that suicide seems the only option. How it is right to regard suicide as a sin when it is the result of a person suffering so much that suicide seems the only way? I’ve been there. At 11 years old, there was no other possible option. Suicide plagued my every thought. I was crying all the time. I despised myself completely. The world didn’t seem like a safe place to be. Attempting to take my life that day does not make me any less of a person than someone who has not thought about or attempted suicide.
In Exodus, suicide is referred to “a grave sin equivalent to murder”. I disagree. Murder is in no way the same as suicide. How can they even be compared to each other? Murder is the unlawful premeditated killing of a human being by another. Suicide is the act of intentionally ending your life. The difference with these two acts is the person behind it. Murderers are criminals, who often sadistically plan out the murder of another human being for days, weeks or months before the act. People who die by suicide are not criminals, nor are they sadistic. I would not compare myself to a murderer, nor would people who know me. Of those who die from suicide, more than 90 percent have a diagnosable mental disorder. These people are struggling. These people often have mental illnesses, or suffer extreme abuse and bullying or hardships in their life. These people struggle every single day to just live here on this earth. In no way is Suicide a sin. I’m not saying that I haven’t sinned before, because I have, but suicide is not my sin. For 7 years I have struggled with suicidal thoughts and attempts but that does not make me any less in the eyes of God.
I wanted to write this blog post because of my recent experience with religion calling suicide a sin or a mistake. I want to let you know that your mental illnesses do not make you any less than those who do not have mental illness. You will not go to hell for suffering with suicide, or mental illness. You are human, you are loved, you struggle, but you also feel joy. I believe in God and church is a huge part of my life. Many people in my church are accepting of mental illness and do not see me any less in the eyes of God, but some churches do teach that suicide is a sin.
Please, do not refer to suicide as a sin. So many people in this world are affected by suicide in some shape or form. Please educate yourself on mental illness and suicide before making a judgement.
“Mental illness is like a war. You either win or die trying.”