autism · diabetes · diabetes blog · diabetic · eating disorder · journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

My First Week as a Type 1 Diabetic

 I’ve been staring at this empty blog post for a while now. It’s hard to put into words what this week entailed. In a lot of aspects, it was no different to any other week. I got up, got dressed, enjoyed time with friends, did university work. I played games, went on road trips, learned some piano and appreciated the nice weather. A pretty normal week…except for the fact that on Tuesday the 24th of April, I got diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

image1See, I’ve had my fair share of difficulties during my life, but Type 1 Diabetes was the one that seemed far off the agenda. Type 1 Diabetes was not something that ever crossed my mind. Sure, I learned plenty about Type 2 Diabetes when studying my health and social care course, but no one ever talks about Type 1 unless they or someone they know has it.

However, it didn’t really come as a shock to me when the doctor tested my blood sugar and sent me straight to the hospital. I’d been feeling poorly for over a week before this appointment – the constant need to pee, the constant thirst despite drinking loads, the shaking, the chills, the nausea and vomiting whenever I ate, the headaches, the constant fatigue. I knew all the signs pointed towards Diabetes, so it wasn’t really that much of a surprise…right?

I realise now, one week in, that the diagnosis wasn’t a surprise but the reality was. The reality of having to test blood sugar every few hours and the preparation needed even just to eat. The hours spent trying to learn about Diabetes and all the medical knowledge needed to manage it. The use of injections and infusion sets. The tiredness and lack of sleep of dealing with hypos and then hypers. The confusion in the supermarket trying to find foods with protein for hypers and foods with sugar for hypos. Life is hard. Life with Type 1 Diabetes is harder.

Nonetheless, it is now my life, and no matter how hard it gets, it will always be life.

I may have Diabetes, but Diabetes does not have me.

 

 

eating disorder · journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

When Memories Come Back…

In 2014, I was completely submersed in the depths of Anorexia Nervosa. I bought, prepared, cooked and presented all my food. No one but me could do this for me. I had to do it. I sat each night and planned my meals for the entire next day. I see now it was a control thing – and that’s one of the key factors in an eating disorder. A lot of people – probably the majority of people – with eating disorders have perfectionist or obsessive personalities. I have both.

An hour ago, my grandma offered to make me a burger with fried onions. To this day, I still cook my own food. On a rare occasion, I hand the control over to somebody else. I was mulling over this idea of my grandma making me tea; feeling slightly out of control and anxious. Memories of 2014 came rushing back to me.

I remember coming home from college one day and having a complete breakdown on the kitchen floor because my mum had thrown away the salad I had leftover from the night before. She said the salad was going off, and it probably was. But in my state of mind, every leaf and crumb of that salad had been calculated and counted and written into my food journal. It had been planned into my head as my dinner for that Tuesday night, and then all of a sudden that control was ripped right from underneath me. It’s just a salad – I know that now – but back then it was so much to my mind and to my life.

Another time, my stepdad had added milk to mashed potatoes alongside the small blob of butter I’d already counted. I was screaming and crying for a good half hour; refusing to eat it.

It’s a strange thing: control. My whole life was based purely on control. Controlling my food allowed me to feel like I was controlling at least something when the whole world around me was falling apart…

I’m still obsessive. I’m a perfectionist. I like to be in control. Though, its a much different type of control to what it was back then.

This control allows me to let others take over sometimes and tonight I’ll eat that burger and onions knowing that I’m further than I was before.

eating-disorder

 

 

journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

Mental Health Awareness Week 2017

Mental health problems can affect the way you think, feel and behave. They affect around one in four people in Britain, and range from common mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety, to more rare problems such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. A mental health problem can feel just as bad, or worse, as any other physical illness – only you cannot see it.

Some people think that there is an automatic link between mental health problems and being a danger to others. This is an idea that is largely reinforced by sensationalised stories in the media. However, the most common mental health problems have no significant link to violent behaviour. The proportion of people living with a mental health problem who commit a violent crime is extremely small. There are lots of reasons someone might commit a violent crime, and factors like drug and alcohol misuse are far more likely to be the cause of violent behaviour than mental health problems.


Warning Signs

There are over 200 classified forms of mental illness so its clearly very important to be aware of the warning signs. Mental Illness has no clear victim. It affects people of all ages, young and old, of all races and cultures and from all walks of life. Mental illness, like physical illnesses, is on a continuum of severity ranging from mild to moderate to severe.  More than 7 million people from the UK have a mental illness in any given year.  Mental illness affects one in four adults and one in five children. Very few people, however actually seek treatment for mental illness. Many aren’t even aware of the different types of mental health problems and struggle to spot the signs.

So what ARE the warning signs of mental illness?

In an adult:

  • Marked personality change
  • Inability to cope with problems and daily activities
  • Drop in functioning – an unusual drop in functioning, at school, work or social activities, such as quitting sports, failing in school or difficulty performing familiar tasks
  • Strange or grandiose ideas (impulsive, boastful, exaggerated, dreams and fantasies)
  • Excessive anxieties
  • Neurotic or repetitive behaviour (rocking, biting, hitting, head banging, pinching)
  • Prolonged depression and apathy
  • Marked changes in eating or sleeping patterns
  • Extreme highs and lows
  • Heightened sensitivity to sights, sounds, smells or touch; avoidance of over-stimulating situations
  • jumpy/nervous behaviour, easily startled
  • problems with concentration, memory and speech
  • disconnected from self or surroundings
  • withdrawal and a lack of interaction with others
  • Abuse of alcohol or drugs
  • Excessive anger, hostility, or violent behaviour

A person who is thinking or talking about suicide or homicide should seek help immediately.

In a child:

Having only one or two of the problems listed below is not necessarily cause for alarm. They may simply indicate that a practical solution is called for, such as more consistent discipline or a visit with the child’s teachers to see whether there is anything out of the ordinary going on at school. A combination of symptoms, however, is a signal for professional intervention.

  • The child seems overwhelmed and troubled by his or her feelings, unable to cope with them
  • The child cries a lot
  • The child frequently asks or hints for help
  • The child seems constantly preoccupied, worried, anxious, and intense. Some children develop a fear of a variety of things–rain, barking dogs, burglars, their parents’ getting killed when out of sight, and so on–while other children simply wear their anxiety on their faces.
  • The child has fears or phobias that are unreasonable or interfere with normal activities.
  • The child can’t seem to concentrate on school work and other age-appropriate tasks.
  • The child’s school performance declines and doesn’t pick up again.
  • The child loses interest in playing.
  • The child tries to stimulate himself or herself in various ways. Examples of this kind of behaviour include excessive thumb sucking or hair pulling, rocking of the body, head banging to the point of hurting himself, and masturbating often or in public.
  • The child isolates himself or herself from other people.
  • The child regularly talks about death and dying.
  • The child appears to have low self-esteem and little self-confidence. Over and over the child may make such comments as: “I can’t do anything right.” “I’m so stupid.” “I don’t see why anyone would love me.” “I know you [or someone else] hates me.” “Nobody likes me.” “I’m ugly. . . too big. . . too small. . . too fat. . . too skinny. . . too tall. . . too short, etc.”
  • Sleep difficulties don’t appear to be resolving. They include refusing to be separated from one or both parents at bedtime, inability to sleep, sleeping too much, sleeping on the parent’s or parents’ bed, nightmares, and night terrors.

If you spot any of these warning signs in yourself or in another person please speak concerns to a health professional such as a GP or a charity that can help with advice such as childline or samaritans.

For more information on mental illness:

Mind

Rethink

NHS

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journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

The Most Deadliest and Less Talked About Eating Disorder

When it comes to eating disorders, everyone has heard of Anorexia Nervosa and  Bulimia Nervosa. However, these are not the only types of eating disorders that exist.

EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) or now recognised as OSFED (other specified feeding or eating disorder) is the most common type of eating disorder and the most deadly – but no one seems to know about it or its consequences!

A person with OSFED may present with many of the symptoms of other eating disorders such as Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa or Binge Eating Disorder but will not meet the full criteria for diagnosis of these disorders. Diagnoses that fit within this criteria include atypical anorexia (anorexic behaviours but a normal weight), atypical bulimia (less frequent behaviours), purging disorder (vomiting without binging), and night eating syndrome (excessively eating after bed time).

This does not mean that the person has a less serious eating disorder.

OSFED is the most common eating disorder and the most deadliest.

It has a mortality rate of 5.2 percent — higher than both anorexia and bulimia — despite the fact its sufferers often look healthy.

Signs that a person is struggling with OSFED

The warning signs of OSFED can be physical, psychological and behavioural. It is possible for someone with OSFED to display a combination of these symptoms:

Physical Signs:
  • Weight loss, weight gain or weight fluctuations
  • Loss of or disturbance of menstrual periods in girls and women and decreased libido in men
  • Compromised immune system (e.g. getting sick more often)
  • Signs of damage due to vomiting including swelling around the cheeks or jaw, calluses on knuckles, damage to teeth and bad breath
  • Fainting and dizziness as a result of dehydration
Psychological:
  • Preoccupation with food and eating
  • Preoccupation with body shape and weight (in men this can be a preoccupation with increasing muscle bulk)
  • Extreme body dissatisfaction
  • Having a distorted body image (e.g. seeing themselves as overweight even if they are in a healthy weight range for their age and height)
  • Sensitivity to comments relating to food, weight, body shape or exercise
  • Heightened anxiety and/or irritability around meal times
  • Depression, anxiety or irritability
  • Low self esteem and feelings of shame, self loathing or guilt
  • ‘Black and white’ thinking – rigid thoughts about food being ‘good’ or ‘bad’
Behavioural signs:
  • Dieting behaviour (e.g. fasting, counting calories/kilojoules, avoiding food groups such as fats and carbohydrates)
  • Evidence of binge eating (e.g. disappearance or hoarding of food)
  • Frequent trips to the bathroom during or shortly after meals which could be evidence of vomiting or laxative use
  • Compulsive or excessive exercising (e.g. exercising in bad weather, continuing to exercise when sick or injured, and experiencing distress if exercise is not possible)
  • Eating at unusual times and/or after going to sleep at night
  • Changes in food preferences (e.g. claiming to dislike foods previously enjoyed, sudden preoccupation with ‘healthy eating’, or replacing meals with fluids)
  • Obsessive rituals around food preparation and eating (e.g. eating very slowly, cutting food into very small pieces, insisting that meals are served at exactly the same time everyday)
  • Anti-social behaviour, particularly around meal times, and withdrawal from social situations involving food
  • Secretive behaviour around food (e.g. saying they have eaten when they haven’t, hiding uneaten food in their rooms)
  • Increased interest in food preparation (e.g. planning, buying, preparing and cooking meals for others but not actually consuming; interest in cookbooks, recipes and nutrition)
  • Increased interest and focus on body shape and weight (e.g. interest in weight loss websites, books, magazines or images of thin people)
  • Repetitive or obsessive behaviours relating to body shape and weight (e.g. weighing themselves repeatedly, looking in the mirror obsessively and pinching waist or wrists)
  • Increased isolation, spending more and more time alone and avoiding previously enjoyed activities

Where to go for help:

If you suspect that you or someone you know has OSFED, it is important to seek help immediately. The earlier you seek help the closer you are to recovery. While your GP may not be formally trained in detecting the presence of an eating disorder, he/she is a good ‘first base.’ A GP can refer you on to a practitioner with specialised knowledge in eating disorders.

find your local eating disorder service here

https://www.b-eat.co.uk/

https://eatingdisorder.org/eating-disorder-information/osfed/

http://eating-disorders.org.uk/

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autism · eating disorder · journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · savannah lloyd · Uncategorized · weight loss

Body Image and Eating Disorders

Body Image is our idea of how our body looks and how it is perceived by others. Having a negative or poor body image is strongly associated to Anxiety and Depression as well as eating disorders such as Anorexia and Bulimia. Obsessive and exhausting over-exercising behaviour, yo-yo dieting, reluctance to socialise, difficulties with relationships and financial problems are all associated with body image.

BEAT, the UK’S leading eating disorder charity, estimates that 1.6 million people in the UK have an eating disorder. 1.4 million of these people are female. People most at risk of developing an eating disorder are young women aged between 14-25. 1 in 10 secondary school students are affected by eating disorders.

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness and many young people who develop anorexia or bulimia (as well as other eating disorders) will suffer serious long-term health consequences.

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Body Image and Young Children

A lot of research on body image focuses on adolescents. However, there is now evidence that suggests children develop negative body image much younger than we think. Children as young as 9 and 10 show disturbing levels of anxiety about their weight and physical appearance. By the ages of 10 and 11, 1 in 8 girls want to be thinner.

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10 Steps to Positive Body Image

  1. Appreciate all that your body can do.  Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams.  Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you—running, dancing, breathing, laughing, dreaming, etc.
  2. Keep a top-ten list of things you like about yourself—things that aren’t related to how much you weigh or what you look like.  Read your list often.  Add to it as you become aware of more things to like about yourself.
  3. Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin deep.  When you feel good about yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful regardless of whether you physically look like a supermodel.  Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.
  4. Look at yourself as a whole person.  When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts.  See yourself as you want others to see you–as a whole person.
  5. Surround yourself with positive people.  It is easier to feel good about yourself and your body when you are around others who are supportive and who recognize the importance of liking yourself just as you naturally are.
  6. Shut down those voices in your head that tell you your body is not “right” or that you are a “bad” person.  You can overpower those negative thoughts with positive ones.  The next time you start to tear yourself down, build yourself back up with a few quick affirmations that work for you.
  7. Wear clothes that are comfortable and that make you feel good about your body.  Work with your body, not against it.
  8. Become a critical viewer of social and media messages.  Pay attention to images, slogans, or attitudes that make you feel bad about yourself or your body.  Protest these messages:  write a letter to the advertiser or talk back to the image or message
  9. Do something nice for yourself–something that lets your body know you appreciate it.  Take a bubble bath, make time for a nap, find a peaceful place outside to relax.
  10. Use the time and energy that you might have spent worrying about food, calories, and your weight to do something to help others.  Sometimes reaching out to other people can help you feel better about yourself and can make a positive change in our world.

journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

The stigma of Mental Health Problems and Antidepressants

Antidepressants.

The one thing in the world that nobody wants to talk about, or admit that they are on. The one thing that everyone thinks does more harm than good. The one thing that people say shouldn’t be used.

The majority of the population believe that antidepressants cause more harm than good in treating mental health problems. Many people think taking them is a sign of weakness or inability to just get better yourself. Many people misunderstand that antidepressants can take up to 2 months to work as they start to adjust chemical imbalances in the brain. Many people misunderstood that antidepressants make it worse before it gets better.

I’m so tired of people judging situations they have no understanding of. I’m so tired of people passing negative views on antidepressants because of things they have read or heard. Something that works for one won’t work for another. Every person is an individual.

Since I was 11 years old, I have battled an array of mental health problems. For 6 years I dealt with these problems with no medication whatsoever. These were the hardest 6 years of my life. Self harm and self hatred was constant. The desire to die was all I ever thought about. Then, at 17 I went on citalopram (an SSRI) and for 18 months increased and decreased this dosage until I decided to come off the drug. When I came off, I realised how much they had actually been helping me. Then, for a year I struggled again with no medication and the simple use of herbal remedies, the outdoors and exercise. Kalms did not work. St John’s Wort made me suicidal. Rescue Remedy worked for 10 minutes and then the illness would be searing back. Nytol had no effect whatsoever. Herbal remedies are designed to treat mild forms of depression and anxiety alone. Not a mixture of mental illnesses or eating disorders or personality disorders or major depressive disorder.

Do NOT tell me to try herbal remedies. 

Before I decided to take antidepressants I tried every coping strategy under the sun until I could no longer cope.

I have recently been put on prozac and although its currently making me worse I believe I need to give it time to kick in. I can’t give up and give in on myself. It’s been nearly 9 years of fighting mental illness and I still have not found a solution. I will try all options. You would too.

Nobody would bat an eyelid at taking medication for back pain or giving insulin to a diabetic, something you cannot see or quantify, so why is there so much stigma around medication for mental health? Nobody would question giving an asthma pump to an asthmatic or give medication to a patient with a heart condition. All antidepressants do is balance out the hormones in your brain, which when they are low can cause people to become depressed, much like the contraceptive pill to stop you from becoming pregnant.

Antidepressants have been proven to not be addictive; they are just a tool to help people when they are suffering and need a bit of help with their low mood.

Stop being shocked when people tell you they are taking antidepressants, and don’t assume that they are weak and vulnerable. Some of the strongest people I have met are taking medication for their mental health, and that is what helps them to keep going. Antidepressants don’t change people, and they don’t stop them from being themselves.

PROZAC

journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

The lack of mental health care available…

It’s an obvious fact that mental health treatment is underfunded in the UK, but the true extent of this under funding has only become more apparent to me in the last couple of weeks.

My mental health has turned downhill gradually over the year and more so in the last few months that I’ve needed to go and seek help for it again. The hardest thing in the world is to go to a doctor and tell them you’re there because your mental health is poor. It’s one of the hardest things to do, especially if you have anxiety and hate the thought of going there. The even harder thing is going and knowing that you possibly may not even get the help you need because of stigma, misunderstanding, the area you’re in and the lack of funding.

Mental health care is a like a lottery. If you live in the right area, you may have access to the help you need. Other areas have less funding and less mental health services available. It makes me feel really sad.

It’s so frustrating. It’s agonising when you’re sat through a suicide crisis at 2:30am in the morning and theres no help at all. The helplines shut at midnight, your GP is closed and you’re too afraid to call out of hours. You feel like your mental health problem is not serious enough for A&E and think the staff there will assume you’re wasting their time. Anyone whose been in this position will know how frightening this situation is…

I’m really hoping one day this will change. I want to make that change. I want to advocate. I want to educate. I want to raise awareness. I want to offer support. I don’t want people to feel like they’re ever alone. I want people to know that someone, somewhere, loves them and cares about their safety.

For help and support visit my mental health support page or email me.

When “I” is replaced by “We” even Illness becomes Wellness.

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