autism · journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

To the Person Who May Have an Eating Disorder

Hello. You might know me, or you might not. Either way, I want to talk to you about eating disorders. You may have one, you may not have one, you may know somebody who does…

I want to let you know about a time in my life where my eating disorder was at it’s worse. It was May 2014. I had just turned 17 years old. I was fainting all the time, had many bruises and injuries, and was irritable with almost everyone. My fingernails and nose were blue from lack of oxygen. My potassium, sugar levels and electrolytes were extremely low. My hair was brittle and fell out. My skin was pale and weak. My stomach was distended from lack of food and I was dehydrated. My mental health was lower than low. I sat alone at college because I was too caught up in my own little world to socialise with anyone. I spent all day nearly fainting or sleeping because I simply had no energy. I refused to eat anything for weeks at a time because the fear of food was too intense. I lost 7lb that week in  may 2014, and weighed 4 stone lighter than I do now…

It was then that I started to notice that my relationship with food was not normal. I realised that I wasn’t just hungry for food. I was starving before I ever refused a meal. I was starving for perfection. I was starving for a perfect body, for a flat stomach, for a thigh gap, to look beautiful, and to feel happier. I was starving for something that didn’t really exist. I didn’t really believe that I could ever get Anorexia Nervosa, but I did…

It took me a long time to truly understand recovery. Recovery started with many nights of tears, frustration and the pure refusal to eat a thing in the fear of gaining weight. Recovery started with many hours of re-feeding and the horrible symptoms that came with it. Recovery started with fear and anger at all those who forced me to get better. As the months went on and my body shape began to change, the self-hatred grew and the self-confidence decreased. With recovery came hatred. With recovery came depression. With recovery came anxiety. Recovery gave me freedom to eat food that I wanted. Recovery gave me the ability to eat without truly thinking about it. Recovery silenced Ana’s voices – for a while. But recovery brought weight gain…and it brought confusion.

Recovery is often beautiful, however, so don’t let this put you off. Relapse is torture, but one thing I know for certain is that battling with both is hell. Darkness, like light, often leaks in through cracks. Recovery has never been one easy happy path. Recovery has had many more bad days than good. Recovery often leads to relapse, and thats perfectly okay. Relapse is inevitable.

I know that an eating disorder is not easy. It’s not easy when everyone tells you that you are what you eat or what you weigh or that you’re only as good as your calorie count or the number on your social media. It’s not easy when people talk about how they’re having a ‘bad’ food day or that they need to run off the chocolate cake they had. It’s not easy when people go on diets, or cut out food groups like carbs or suddenly develop dietary requirements. It’s not easy when people comment on the weight they’ve lost or tell you they’re on a diet. It’s not easy when the calorie information to food is right there in front of you, or the temptation of throwing everything back up is nagging at your head.  The world revolves around numbers. The truths below are listen in numbers, but they are numbers to be followed. Please listen.

  1. You have a voice – I know your eating disorder seems to be in control and it takes up every single minute of the day. The truth is however is that your eating disorder does not control you at all. You are a person and you have a wonderful voice hiding in that body of yours.
  2. You’re not defined by your eating disorder – I know that eating disorders can become some sort of protection, but your identity and who you are is totally detached from your eating disorder. Your eating disorder is an illness you have, not what has you.
  3. You’re really not crazy, I promise – I know all the voices – especially Ana’s voice – in your head make you feel like you’re crazy and you wish sometimes that they would just stop, but you’re not crazy. I know you’re not. You’re hungry…your body is looking for food, but your mind is hungry for life and purpose.

You may know me, or you might not. Either way, please listen and know you’re never alone.

I love you and I wish you the best.

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autism · journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

Absent

I know I’ve been a little absent lately, and it’s not that I don’t want to blog because I absolutely do. The truth is; the things I want to blog about I currently can’t blog about. It’s confusing, I know, but soon I promise you it will make utter sense and I’ll explain everything to you.

I’ve been completely preoccupied with thoughts in my mind lately. My head feels like its swirling all of the time. I can’t think straight, I can’t focus, I just can’t. And I’m coming to accept that that’s perfectly okay. I’m just trying to make sense of myself and my life whilst getting on with university work and trying (failing) to be social. I’m having a couple of relapses, but this too shall pass.

I’ve got some exciting projects soon to be released in terms of my advocacy work so stay tuned for that. I hope you’re all doing good.

I haven’t really been up to much besides from that. I’ve made some sensory bottles (heck, I love glitter), watched a million films and slept loads. I think my body needs it.

Have a blessed week and I promise I’ll catch up with you all soon!

Sincerely,

Savannah

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journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

#ThisIsMe Project

I’ve decided to set up a project that allows others to express their thoughts and feelings. I understand that it can be difficult to set up a blog and led the entire world read your deepest thoughts and feelings, which is why I created the #ThisIsMe Project. The project will share the stories of others on this blog. You can remain totally anonymous which means you can blog to your hearts content and share your views without feeling exposed!

This project is open to anybody who suffers from a condition and who wants to share their story. Conditions can range from mental health conditions and illness, autism spectrum disorders and sensory disorders.

Interested or want to know more?

Email savannahaliciax@gmail.com now!

I look forward to hearing from you!

Ps, please share this blog post to let others know about the project!

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journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

Versatile Blogger Award

I have recieved the Versatile Blogger Award by Getting Through Anxiety.

My nominees for the Versatile Blogger Award include:

My Quiet Roar

Unbroken

Becoming Alex

drowninginmytwenties

deadlydarkleyme

Overcoming Eda

recovery is pending

A Little Bit of Magic

Minimally Crazy

The Sound of Ed’s Voice

7 facts about me:

I am 18 years old

I’ve had mental health problems for 7 years

I have a puppy named Willow

I’m originally from Wales

I’m a mental health advocate

I’ve wrote a book

I love youtube

versatilebloggeraward

mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

Sensory Processing Disorder

Sensory Processing Disorder is a neurological disorder that prevents the brain’s ability to integrate information received from the body’s sensory system. Sensory Processing Disorder is often seen in people on the autistic spectrum as well as people with mental illness. People with the disorder tend to react more extreme than normal. The disorder ranges from barely noticeable to having an impaired effect on daily functioning.

There are so many symptoms for Sensory Processing Disorder so I’ve decided to list a few of the common symptoms in late teenage years and adulthood:

  • Atypical eating and sleeping habits
  • Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
  • Very high or very low energy levels throughout the day but more active at night
  • Very resistant to change in life and surrounding environments
  • heightened senses (sensitive to sounds, touch, taste, sight and smell)
  • very high or very low energy levels
  • Lethargic or severely tired most of the day
  • Motor skill problems – unexplained injuries and bruises with no recollection of how or when they occurred
  • Difficulty concentrating and staying focused – often in ‘own world’ or ‘glazed off’
  • Constant use of neurotic behaviours – swinging, rocking, bouncing, rubbing skin
  • repetitive and stimulating behaviours
  • Can appear self destructive (such as head banging, pinching, biting)
  • doesn’t notice dangers (such as walking in the road) or recognize pain
  • easily overwhelmed, frustrated, emotional and very tearful
  • clenching of extremities (hands and feet)
  • Sensitive to certain fabrics or textures

facts:

  • Sensory Processing Disorder is a complex disorder of the brain that affects developing children and adults.
  • At least one in twenty people in the general population may be affected by SPD.
  • In children who are gifted and those with ADHD, Autism, and mental health problems, the prevalence of SPD is much higher than in the general population.
  • Studies have found a significant difference between the physiology of children with SPD and children who are typically developing.
  • Sensory Processing Disorder has unique sensory symptoms that are not explained by other known disorders.
  • Heredity may be one cause of the disorder.
  • Laboratory studies suggest that the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are not functioning typically in children with SPD.

To find out more about Sensory Processing Disorder feel free to follow the link below:

http://www.spdfoundation.net/

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