3 years ago I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa after a 14 month battle with EDNOS because my weight had finally fallen into the underweight category. I was forced to recover because my heart was so weak I was close to death. For months I cried at every single meal time and hated my changing body. I was held down and fed; had no choice in meals or when I was going to eat. I wasn’t able to exercise. Eventually, I gained weight back and started to enjoy eating. After all, I’d spent months willing myself not to eat even though it was all I wanted. I worshipped food.
See, the thing with Anorexia recovery is that it’s not explained realistically. A person becomes underweight, gets diagnosed with Anorexia and begins a journey to a healthy weight and healthy eating patterns. What they don’t tell you is that 20% people remain chronically ill after developing Anorexia, with a few of these going on to develop another eating disorder such as Bulimia or binge eating disorder.
I was unfortunately one of these people. Going from restricting every single day to suddenly eating everything I could find. It’s a huge blow to your mental well-being. I gained weight rapidly – much more rapidly than I should have done in recovery. I gained all I had lost during my Anorexia and more. The reason for this? the lack of treatment and support available for those with eating disorder.
Currently, only 1 in 10 adults with Anorexia will receive treatment.
Without a nutritional meal plan and support from someone who knew what was best, I was left to my own devices an swapped out my restrictive eating for another devastating disorder; binge eating.
3 years on, my relationship with food is still abnormal. It’s either restrict and starve or eat as much as possible. There is no healthy, no black or white, just grey.
Recovery from an eating disorder is tough but trading in your eating disorder for another is a complete emotional roller-coaster.
I wish there were a way to give every single person with an eating disorder the help they need, but currently as it stands there isn’t.
If you or someone you know is affected by an eating disorder, or are not getting the right support in recovery, please, please, please do not give up hope. Keep going until you find someone who listens.