eating disorder · journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

Struggling with Eating Disorder Relapse

Recovering from an eating disorder is difficult. It takes a lot of time, dedication, energy, support and willpower. Choosing recovery is difficult and sometimes our eating disorder mind beats the rational mind.

Lately, my eating disorder mind has been constantly reappearing to try and beat my rational mind. Some days I ignore it and just eat whatever I want. On the days it takes overs, I’ll lie in bed and refuse to give in to the hunger.

I believe that recovery is managing an eating disorder and not fully living without it. I don’t think an eating disorder ever goes away. Either way, its important to notice the warning signs of a relapse and put support systems into place.

Some signs that might indicate relapse:

  • Your thoughts keep turning to food, dieting and weight.
  • You have been dishonest with your eating disorder treatment professionals or if you feel compelled to hide information or behaviours.
  • You worry that you are losing control and may overcompensate with perfectionism.
  • You feel as if you have no outlet for your stress.
  • You feel hopeless and wonder what you’re going to do with your life.
  • With diet and exercise, your primary goal is to look good rather than to be healthy.
  • You believe that you’ll never be happy unless you’re thin.
  • You see yourself as overweight or obese.
  • Friends or family indicate to you that your self-image is inaccurate.
  • You look in the mirror frequently and weigh yourself often.
  • You skip meals or find ways to purify yourself after eating.
  • You get irritable around the issue of food.
  • You feel an overwhelming sense of guilt or shame after eating.
  • You avoid events that involve food.
  • You isolate yourself or engage in increasingly secretive behaviours.
  • You hold contempt for people who are overweight or don’t eat well according to your standards.

Relapse is a natural part of the recovery process. In the event that you feel that you may be in a situation where you have fallen back to eating disorder behaviour, there are some things to remember:

  1. Seek professional help immediately.
  2. Relapse does not mean failure.
  3. You have been through this before and you can get through it again.
  4. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to recover.
  5. Refer often to your values and strive to live by them.
  6. Work on self-approval, which is not dependent on weight.
  7. Accept your personal limitations.
  8. Create an environment of respect, optimism, trust and honesty with yourself and others.
  9. Know that “failure” neither dooms nor defines you. You are just a person who is willing to take on challenges.
  10. Practice, practice, practice!

Steps to Help Prevent Relapse:

  1. Seek help from a professional.
  2. Develop self acceptance through practising compassion toward self.
  3. Develop a positive and self nurturing internal dialogue.
  4. Get treatment for co-occurring disorders such as anxiety and depression.
  5. Practice mindfulness and living in the moment.
  6. Listen to and honour your feelings.
  7. Eat well and listen to your body’s hunger and fullness signs.
  8. Accept your genetic makeup and appreciate your body.
  9. Have a relapse prevention or correction plan.




When One Eating Disorder Turns Into Another

3 years ago I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa after a 14 month battle with EDNOS because my weight had finally fallen into the underweight category. I was forced to recover because my heart was so weak I was close to death. For months I cried at every single meal time and hated my changing body. I was held down and fed; had no choice in meals or when I was going to eat. I wasn’t able to exercise. Eventually, I gained weight back and started to enjoy eating. After all, I’d spent months willing myself not to eat even though it was all I wanted. I worshipped food.

See, the thing with Anorexia recovery is that it’s not explained realistically. A person becomes underweight, gets diagnosed with Anorexia and begins a journey to a healthy weight and healthy eating patterns. What they don’t tell you is that 20% people remain chronically ill after developing Anorexia, with a few of these going on to develop another eating disorder such as Bulimia or binge eating disorder.

I was unfortunately one of these people. Going from restricting every single day to suddenly eating everything I could find. It’s a huge blow to your mental well-being. I gained weight rapidly – much more rapidly than I should have done in recovery. I gained all I had lost during my Anorexia and more. The reason for this? the lack of treatment and support available for those with eating disorder.

Currently, only 1 in 10 adults with Anorexia will receive treatment.

Without a nutritional meal plan and support from someone who knew what was best, I was left to my own devices an swapped out my restrictive eating for another devastating disorder; binge eating.

3 years on, my relationship with food is still abnormal. It’s either restrict and starve or eat as much as possible. There is no healthy, no black or white, just grey.

Recovery from an eating disorder is tough but trading in your eating disorder for another is a complete emotional roller-coaster.

I wish there were a way to give every single person with an eating disorder the help they need, but currently as it stands there isn’t.

If you or someone you know is affected by an eating disorder, or are not getting the right support in recovery, please, please, please do not give up hope. Keep going until you find someone who listens.