autism · journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

Overcoming Perfection

I’ve been a perfectionist my entire life; I know that. I’ve always set extremely high goals and aimed to achieve them. I’ve always been extremely critical about anything and everything. I do set unrealistic standards of myself, and I do focus on the results. I have a huge fear of failure, procrastinate, defend and have a low self-esteem. I know this. But days like today make me realise how much being a perfectionist truly affects your life. Your emotions. Your thoughts. Your behaviours towards others.

I set myself a goal – a grade – a task…and if this goal isn’t met in the way I’ve planned, I meltdown. I cry and scream and punch and hit. It’s not the silent tears that roll down a cheek; its a full blown messy, screaming cry; the sort that makes you extremely tired and distraught. Today was that day…

That day to cry, to scream, to hit the wall; and in its consequence, feel like an utter failure.

But, being a perfectionist is not always a bad thing. Setting unrealistic goals allows you to work hard to try and reach that goal. You have motivation, determination and persistence to get things done. You become amazing at correcting errors and faults. You repeat something over and over again until you get it right.

You never accept failure from yourself, and that is utterly okay.

I am a perfectionist, and on days like today its really hard to get past that, but after calming down, I realised its okay to be a perfectionist..

it’s how I make things work. It’s how I focus and push myself to do work. It’s how I organise and succeed in aspects of life.

the-perfectionist-scale-3

autism · journey to recovery · mental health · mental health blogger · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

Absent

I know I’ve been a little absent lately, and it’s not that I don’t want to blog because I absolutely do. The truth is; the things I want to blog about I currently can’t blog about. It’s confusing, I know, but soon I promise you it will make utter sense and I’ll explain everything to you.

I’ve been completely preoccupied with thoughts in my mind lately. My head feels like its swirling all of the time. I can’t think straight, I can’t focus, I just can’t. And I’m coming to accept that that’s perfectly okay. I’m just trying to make sense of myself and my life whilst getting on with university work and trying (failing) to be social. I’m having a couple of relapses, but this too shall pass.

I’ve got some exciting projects soon to be released in terms of my advocacy work so stay tuned for that. I hope you’re all doing good.

I haven’t really been up to much besides from that. I’ve made some sensory bottles (heck, I love glitter), watched a million films and slept loads. I think my body needs it.

Have a blessed week and I promise I’ll catch up with you all soon!

Sincerely,

Savannah

X

img_20160409_091511