I’ve been a perfectionist my entire life; I know that. I’ve always set extremely high goals and aimed to achieve them. I’ve always been extremely critical about anything and everything. I do set unrealistic standards of myself, and I do focus on the results. I have a huge fear of failure, procrastinate, defend and have a low self-esteem. I know this. But days like today make me realise how much being a perfectionist truly affects your life. Your emotions. Your thoughts. Your behaviours towards others.
I set myself a goal – a grade – a task…and if this goal isn’t met in the way I’ve planned, I meltdown. I cry and scream and punch and hit. It’s not the silent tears that roll down a cheek; its a full blown messy, screaming cry; the sort that makes you extremely tired and distraught. Today was that day…
That day to cry, to scream, to hit the wall; and in its consequence, feel like an utter failure.
But, being a perfectionist is not always a bad thing. Setting unrealistic goals allows you to work hard to try and reach that goal. You have motivation, determination and persistence to get things done. You become amazing at correcting errors and faults. You repeat something over and over again until you get it right.
You never accept failure from yourself, and that is utterly okay.
I am a perfectionist, and on days like today its really hard to get past that, but after calming down, I realised its okay to be a perfectionist..
it’s how I make things work. It’s how I focus and push myself to do work. It’s how I organise and succeed in aspects of life.