Being thankful, grateful, appreciative and open-minded can be difficult when there are so many things going wrong. Lately, university has presented difficulty, there’s been stress trying to prepare for America and the ultimate occurrence of mental health difficulties. Life presents so many difficulties….there have been so many struggles lately, so many tears, so many emotions, so much happening out of my control.
As a perfectionist, mistakes are hard for me to cope with. I understand that people make mistakes and that in order to learn we must first make mistakes, but this simply doesn’t make it easier. I made a mistake this week – one that lays out outcomes for my future. Now that the mistake is done, everything is out of my control. This is difficult for me to comprehend. I feel a range of emotions – frustration, guilt, anger, upset, hurt…having mental health problems make me a little bit more vulnerable to the feelings of being out of control. It’s easy to lose control mentally when everything in real life begins to go down hill.
Now, despite all this, im continuing to remain blessed. In my mental illness journey I have encouraged myself to think more positively, to be grateful, to breathe, to appreciate surroundings. In this journey, I teach myself to grow and be the best person I can be. I am so thankful for the people I have around me. There are days where I feel absolute alone with no one to turn to, but I’m trying to accept that people have their own lives too. I am thankful for the people who support me, who believe in me, who see me as someone positive in their life.
This leads me to why I feel so thankful today. Even though things with university are making me so stressed and upset today, one thing brought so much comfort – an email saying that I’ve been nominated for the National Diversity Awards as a positive role model. I do not know who put me forward for this award but I am so thankful. So utterly thankful and blessed for the opportunities that are given to me in the midst of the darkness.
I love and appreciate each and every one of you and hope that in the future I can continue changing lives. My ultimate goal is to not stop until I diminish the stigma attached to mental health and improve services intended to treat mental health issues.