As I get older, I start to realise exactly why I hate having an anxiety disorder. As I get older, it starts to interfere more and more with daily life. As I get older, I have more responsibilities and things to do. As I get older, I have to be more independent. As I get older, no one wants to help. It’s hard, it’s so hard. I love having independence, but the crippling anxiety refuses to let me. I can’t go anywhere without someone with me. I don’t have the confidence, the interpersonal skills or the ability to go anywhere or do anything without help.
Having to rely on people can be difficult. I don’t feel like an 18 year old. I feel like a small child who needs the guidance and support from tutors and adults that influence. I feel dependent. Without any support, anxiety can make you feel lost. Scared. Confused. Lonely.
There are certain people in life that I attach myself to – these people soothe the mental illnesses and allow me to be who I am. These people are role models, people I look up to, people who accept me and feel the need to help me. I’ve found these people throughout my life – whether they be from college, from school or from interaction.
I hate anxiety. I hate anxiety because it interferes with everything. I hate anxiety because it consumes every thought. I hate anxiety because no one understands the severity. I hate anxiety because it takes away independence. I hate anxiety because it prevents interpersonal and social skills. I hate anxiety because the worrying makes you physically ill. I hate anxiety because it stops you from making eye contact with anyone you ever meet. I hate anxiety because it makes you flinch at personal contact. I hate anxiety because it has me.
I hate anxiety, I really do.