journey to recovery · mental health · mental illness · personal journey · Uncategorized

Why I hate Anxiety

As I get older, I start to realise exactly why I hate having an anxiety disorder. As I get older, it starts to interfere more and more with daily life. As I get older, I have more responsibilities and things to do. As I get older, I have to be more independent. As I get older, no one wants to help. It’s hard, it’s so hard. I love having independence, but the crippling anxiety refuses to let me. I can’t go anywhere without someone with me. I don’t have the confidence, the interpersonal skills or the ability to go anywhere or do anything without help.

Having to rely on people can be difficult. I don’t feel like an 18 year old. I feel like a small child who needs the guidance and support from tutors and adults that influence. I feel dependent. Without any support, anxiety can make you feel lost. Scared. Confused. Lonely.

There are certain people in life that I attach myself to – these people soothe the mental illnesses and allow me to be who I am. These people are role models, people I look up to, people who accept me and feel the need to help me. I’ve found these people throughout my life – whether they be from college, from school or from interaction.

I hate anxiety. I hate anxiety because it interferes with everything. I hate anxiety because it consumes every thought. I hate anxiety because no one understands the severity. I hate anxiety because it takes away independence. I hate anxiety because it prevents interpersonal and social skills. I hate anxiety because the worrying makes you physically ill. I hate anxiety because it stops you from making eye contact with anyone you ever meet. I hate anxiety because it makes you flinch at personal contact. I hate anxiety because it has me.

I hate anxiety, I really do.

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13 thoughts on “Why I hate Anxiety

  1. I know many people who suffer from this…it isn’t fun and sometimes you feel like you are the only one, but you aren’t and writing this blog will help you connect with others like you, you will help them and they will help you…

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  2. My 21 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. It has been a real learning experience for me to completely understand. I used to just say to her – oh you need to go out more…. or …. stop worrying about things…. things along that line. After reading up on it – I listen alot more when she tells me how she is feeling and have a great understanding for what she is going through…. Hugs to you.

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